Written on my Visual Manuscript A Whisper to a Scream last year...
I have asked myself too when it all started. Why exert effort on seemingly worthless pictures and even consume finances without material gain?
Perhaps the reason is something divine…touching the spiritual realm of my being. An experience with God.
This visual deluge goes even further than the willingness to the point of exhaustion with sleepless night accompanied with aching muscle and plenty of tears. No mathematical solutions can be equated against insomniac sessions wherein the possible deteriorations of the physique are set aside.
A creative mind doesn’t respect time – it cycles beyond the ordinary path…it wrestles any adversary and even goes beyond the accepted fact.
Obviously there are personal gains. The revenue were of many fruits from different avenues – like a prism that that cast varied emotional and mental gains (or shades). Admittedly not all are heavenly pleasures; as nearly half (can’t categorized which is which) were executed in rigorous frustrations. The inner struggle plus the outside forces clashes within me. Thus, I do agree in the synthesis: our greatest struggle is against self.
If the battle begins inside, the hardest part therefore is to start. Once we conquer our fear and then achievement will follow. That is the pinnacle of joy. Was it the 6th or the 7th sense? Previously mistaken as a similar sensation from a sexual climax but now as I deviate there are great gap in between. Dictionaries had not named it yet so we can’t call it as quenching of thirst, a climatic rapture or filled from the brim.
If the said sensation is yet to be defined, meaning there is no measurement to scale the (I have no option but to use the word again) sensation.
If extreme pain was called excruciating, can we call extreme understand as Realizationism?
The heart understands what the brain cannot and vise versa. Maybe a gram higher than gratitude (i.e., helping the blind cross a street or rescuing flood victims) or a cumulative laughter heard on the spiritual level.
In retrospect we can equate some event or singular moment (like painting sessions) similar to an answered prayer.