Stuck in a Stairway Analysis

What would happen if you are stuck in a time bubble? You just sit there, watch the world goes...unfolding and doesn't even miss you even if you seize to exist. 

   Now I needed the pause...or the inner scrapping of the mind and heart...and I may include my soul.
  Where are we? Or better yet, what have I done so far, including those things that I did not acted upon. This could be a timely self-evaluation as a year-ender report for myself. 
   I don't miss that much...I have learned to adapt or have been force into this situation. A place in my corner...which even so enchanting to others are actually a scamp. Oh you can only blame yourself for the things you allowed to happened. Now that all of these have been scars and...
   I did it my way...and the backfiring still retaliate even if I have already asked those forgiveness. Nothing is that instant. At least, I have realized. 
   You just can't trigger an amnesia to infect your data base. Humans have no delete apps... 
   Now what are you going to do about it? Huh!
   Can i opt for now to speak later? I am so hurt...these have been accumulating from recent failures. No way to win an argument now, this is the time to restart an engine...was there ever an old engine anyway?
   I was there but the chances have been overlooked. Could you be a little serious this time around? 
   I guess tonight I will set a very deep one on one talk with my self. What is a self? It is me....
   Step back or move a little closer to truly see yourself. 
  Have I bother you reading this? I am simply talking to myself here. Crazy because I am a little unwell.

   

It's all coming back to me now...although I try as much as I can to even think about it...it is nagging and persistent...at this stage...at this moment of downcast shadows...will still there be hope?

An illumination again where I have to seek even deeper...further to the consciousness...it is my spirit.

   When even last hope was taken...was it really last hope.

   God embrace me, take me in your arms.

   I have made this day, this very ordinary day...

I cannot think of anybody else with such selfless love. I would rather follow a so called lunatic who demonstrated such love for each man and who promised that his sacrifice has prepared a place for me in heaven, than follow any other person (or other symbolic realities) who might have attained the oneness with God but neither suffered for me nor promised me a place; or follow the disbelief (in Jesus and his promised destination) of a world absorbed in self love. -- Jerly  

   "My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?" That was the most striking utterance I've ever heard from Jesus when I've first read the Bible...at first, I thought this was a sort of hopelessness. Maybe Jesus at this state is struggling to control his "divine" nature. What if Jesus zap himself and return to be God right at that very moment?
It would be understandable being human bcoz as Medical science described that dying on the cross is the most painful way to die, they have to invent a new word to ascribe to that pain and it is called excruciating...plus the fact that Jesus was being humiliated and ridiculed...
Yes Jerly, it is a good decision to believed in Jesus bcoz no other religious figure or idea chose salvation or give grace the way Our LORD does. A little common sense lead me to trust in Him rather than anybody elses who claim "ways". If I am a fraud and expect worship and many followers later, would I rather live longer and enjoy the benefit of being Lord?
That leads me to my destination...Faith in someone who make sense. They call him lunatic but I call Him LORD!!!