Fearless Hand in Expressing Reality

Written on my Visual Manuscript A Whisper to a Scream last year... 

I have asked myself too when it all started. Why exert effort on seemingly worthless pictures and even consume finances without material gain?

   Perhaps the reason is something divine…touching the spiritual realm of my being. An experience with God.

   This visual deluge goes even further than the willingness to the point of exhaustion with sleepless night accompanied with aching muscle and plenty of tears. No mathematical solutions can be equated against insomniac sessions wherein the possible deteriorations of the physique are set aside.

   A creative mind doesn’t respect time – it cycles beyond the ordinary path…it wrestles any adversary and even goes beyond the accepted fact.

   Obviously there are personal gains. The revenue were of many fruits from different avenues – like a prism that that cast varied emotional and mental gains (or shades). Admittedly not all are heavenly pleasures; as nearly half (can’t categorized which is which) were executed in rigorous frustrations. The inner struggle plus the outside forces clashes within me. Thus, I do agree in the synthesis: our greatest struggle is against self.

   If the battle begins inside, the hardest part therefore is to start. Once we conquer our fear and then achievement will follow. That is the pinnacle of joy. Was it the 6^th or the 7^th sense? Previously mistaken as a similar sensation from a sexual climax but now as I deviate there are great gap in between. Dictionaries had not named it yet so we can’t call it as quenching of thirst, a climatic rapture or filled from the brim.

   If the said sensation is yet to be defined, meaning there is no measurement to scale the (I have no option but to use the word again) sensation.

   If extreme pain was called excruciating, can we call extreme understand as Realizationism?

    The heart understands what the brain cannot and vise versa. Maybe a gram higher than gratitude (i.e., helping the blind cross a street or rescuing flood victims) or a cumulative laughter heard on the spiritual level.

   In retrospect we can equate some event or singular moment (like painting sessions) similar to an answered prayer.

SONA, Juaning, and a dangerous things

Yesterday noon almost after the S.O.N.A. of President Noy typhoon Juaning arrived here in Laguna, I've heard it reach Bicol region earlier and people are already evacuated in some areas. Here it came with fluvial rage and the downpour was able to flood half foot outside...the waterways are clogged or it was not rolling down... 

   (for Update on Juaning >> http://www.keywordspeak.com/2011/07/bagyong-juaning-typhoon-juaning.html)

   How about the State of the Nation Address? It was filled with interesting anecdotes and what makes it appealing is the use of Filipino language by Aquino; fair enough but only a sort of reviews and although there where some mentions of what he has achieved so far it was still quite empty. Empty on concrete plans like how he will generate more jobs or how he can invite more investors. The quote I like most and perhaps having the loudest roar is "Ang sa Pilipinas ay sa Pilipinas!" (What is for Philippines is to Philippines)...sorry I can not translate it to the nearest thought of its intent.

   He did not mention anything about Hacienda Luisita, nor about future plans for educations which I've notice isn't on top of his priority ever since, remember cutting the budget for education-fund in state colleges.

   Here's my Facebook shout-out anyway:   

I didn't hear any clear road plans on Educations or even achievement on that area, nothing about Hacienda Luisita, or any hint about Maguindanao massacre, nor running after Big Corporations taxes. But Bravo for the near impossible dream of asserting our rights on "West Philippines Sea" 

   In fairness, he had been true (so it seems) to what he had promised to bust corruptions and central to his speech is the word "wang-wang" and there were some statement that made me gnash my teeth; like 1 Billion expenses on coffee alone; was it PCSO? I didn't quite catch what he said. That is according his analysis would be 1 Million cups of coffee for 100 pesos each. "Buti nakaka-tulog pa sila..." he quips. 

   "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing..." heard it somewhere.  Does it mean anything to us now that we know all these things? I mean, so what if the past administrations betrayed us, raped us unaware, or lambasted our resources and ridiculed our trust?

   Let's help Pnoy...pray for him, he is just one man.  

   May God bless us all...

My Busy Social Sites

Now having one more site to manage (realizationism.wordpress.com) will surely keep me work double...yet of course I'm not super-human to have it all done...but I will try. One site that had suffered a lot is my Tagged Profile and Tagged ArtLover Gallery. And this day I think I can drop by and make some amendments...only if I have a faster computer. 

   There is the result: you get zero love and only 4 messages. Exactly 780 friends that only a couple of month ago have reach 820 or so. Members are leaving the site. Now I go check our gallery profile. 
   Thanks my art partner Melissa is still taking good care of our gallery. Last active 3 days ago. Still with good amout of luvs at 90%. Now by giving my 3 available luv I can fill this up and in return have my luv scale marked. 

by Babis Kiliaris

   Just look what have I done, I made too many sites that I can't take care. This work from Babis Kiliaris grace our profile when I open it. Nice choice for my co-admin. 
   Other sites will have to hibernate at the moment. Like weebly and the one on wetpaint they are boring not giving me fluidity on blogging experience. I'm a busy person to waste my time with loading periods...am I being redundant here? 
   Still there is the need to read my friends blog too so I can keep contact and updates. The world wide web have indeed change my life dramatically and has became my principal venue to express my self. 

Sketchers Delusions

I just can't imagine myself without sketching...I feel everything would just collapse and I'll be useless and meaningless for being here. I always feel I was made to do these. It's one of those thing I do with certain passion and urgency. As if I will be incomplete without doing just a little tiny stroke. I pointed in particular sketches and not painting because I can go on for days or even months without painting BUT to scribble at least some lines would be enough to satiate my cravings.

   I can fill a library with my sketches if we can recover them all. Hmmmm...my first platform that I can remember was our wall...when I was a kid. I draw on books, notepad, hem of my shirts, and even on my own skin that usually put me into trouble with my mother. The same reason my mother hammered my hand was when she found my tons of drawings hidden under my bed. Sorry if that story had to come out again...it's just that I had wasted so many paper and pen in my life that transform my disfigured hand this way. Does it disfigured my hand in literal sense? No the same with the wasted papers that I think so vital and necessary for my growth. 

   This particular sketch...on this blog would simply show the needed charges I should inject to myself to feel my worthiness. Also I need the challenge of this particular photo to illustrate the defusing of light without sacrificing lines. I have to take three shots because once again the camera doesn't justify it again. Probably I should start praying about it...I haven't ask that is why I'm not receiving. So God can you give me a camera SLR?

   Staying and roaming only around the vicinity of our home for the past days and the farthest I have take is the nearby store. It's blissful for me...as my much needed space not just for arts but FOR my interior self-analysis. Am I taking too much effort for this insights and not contributing for the welfare of our planet? 

   Once again I started a new blog on another site....Oh I could not give one specific reason for doing but I feel I needed one. I call it FherZonal Views (realizationism.wordpress.com) and some of the reasons can be found there.

   The rain that came this noon was surprising due to the warmness of the day and even hotter that the usual temperature of the past weeks. It's not just a trickle but a full pledge storm (was it?) It even flooded the pathway inside the compound...complete with thunderstorm. Even triggered a brownout and yet when he was done it seems nothing happen...he just greeted us. Enough to remind me that I did not go for church service. 

   Ohhh I just so hate myself for being too outrageous...action speaks louder that words. Next time I will just shut my mouth. Need ice over my head. 

View of an Agnostic Atheist

The following is an excerpt of an article I came across while surfing the net...sounds pretty cool eh? Logical and scholastic...I am not ready to answer the matter now, so here I would simply reinstate what was written...

I remain willing to believe in God, as well as a version of Jesus the Son of God somewhat less fanciful than the so-called “Four Witnesses” would recommend. I confess that I’m holding onto that conviction with my fingernails at the moment and feeling my grip lessen with each subsequent discovery; it’s possible I still believe only because of my previously-mentioned bias to do so. I was raised to love God and to love Jesus. And I do. To let them go entirely would be emotionaly devastating, many times as difficult as letting go of the Bible (what my professor once referred to as the “fourth member of the Christian Quadrinity”) has been. Also the implications of a godless multiverse utterly terrify me, for very good and well-known reasons. I don’t want to die. I don’t want my soon-to-be wife to die. Nor her grandfather, recently diagnosed with inoperable cancer, or my grandmother, nearing 90 and afflicted with Alzheimer’s…Those are the negative reasons for wanting there to exist a god. Positive ones exist, too. The gift of life is so precious and rewarding that I often feel infused with gratefulness for it, as though the emotion were pumping itself out of my heart and distributing through all my circulatory system. I would very much like this gratefulness to have an object that comprehends it.I digress. Some items within the Bible I find unsupported and unconvincing include: its inerrancy and incorruptibility, most of the supposed 600+ messianic prophecies, Mary’s miraculous pregnancy, stories of Jesus’ childhood, Hell as presented, the historicity of the Book of Job, the historicity of the Book of Jonah, the assertion that the Book of Ruth is historical or even of a religious character, the historicity of Genesis’s first several chapters, the doctrine of “original sin”, the idea that all of the Bible’s books combine to present one unified and convincing theology, the Biblical assertion that all who have not believed are “without excuse”, the theological assertion that the Bible should be treated as one work by one author instead of as an anthology of works by multiple authors, and the complete reliability of each of the four Gospels’ accounts.Everything else I’m still thinking about.Maybe you should start thinking about it, too. (from The Bible is Not God's word by Adam Volle)

I have answer to some of his assumptions but on this stage I don't want to dabble on the issue simply because I feel I need to reflect on the subject, if there is really a need... 

The Lord's Protection

   I have to share this simple miracle that I experience today. In a fast pace high-tech world It's not common anymore for us to acknowledge miracle when it happens, being too focus on the trivialities of daily routine. What I will share happened because it has to happen...or maybe neglect on my part but via these experiences I have re-learned how God protects and watch his children.

  Alone in my house this noon I remember we had left-over rice from last night, so I thought of re-heating it to avoid perishing so we can have it for dinner latter. We only took oatmeal for brunch and some snacks in between. So I turn the gas stove and set it on medium fire. 

   While waiting for it to cook I open my computer and get into blogging, and visiting my pages on Facebook. While in front of the computer there goes the alarm of my phone telling me it's time to pick-up my daughter from her kinder schooling. So I rush turning off the computer and leave....

   Hours past after I fetched Elyona Jean, did other chores...so time lapses into  almost sunset. I craved for coffee while reading some gospel books so I went to the kitchen. There I discover and remember the stove. The flame was out but the dial was still on medium line. I don't know but there's an unexplained  rush on my mind. I automatically turn off the dial but of course too late since there was no fire anyway. I thought we ran out gas...but if so we had just bought it a couple of days ago. My wife and I will surely argue about this neglect and waste of gas. But something is amiss here. Why the rice was not burned?  

   So I check the main outlet from the tank it was indeed open. I only had my relief when I check it again...there is still fire coming out. Still unsatisfied I have to check the rice again...smell it and there was no sign of charred sides except the pan is extremely hot. I lift the tank and it was still heavy.

   Right then and there I praise God...this is not your usual kind of miracle but these clearly shows how Our God protects and provides His children. I had experience many miracles from God, like being shot point-blank by a home-made gun and coming out unscratched, there are too many to mention  and this miracle with the gas stove is to add to that list of things I should be thankful for.... Amen.

Plant Life's Language and Intelligence

  ¹²And on the morrow, when they were come from Bethany, he was hungry:
 ¹³And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet.
 ¹⁴And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it. -- Mark 11:12-14

Almost anyone with "green thumb" observe the traditional talking to their plant. They believe plant life can understand us and therefore will grow faster and will flower more abundantly. Others will even sing for their orchids...is there a truth to these tale?

   If plant life (flora) are living-things capable of expanding and multiplying how do they communicate with each other? Do they follow certain language or do they have regional dialects too? Can they recognized danger and do they appreciate our affection? In like manner do they get irritated if we sing off-key?

   Here are some of the results of my small research which had been hanging on my brain ever since I was a little kid wondering why my neighbor's mom was talking alone in her garden...(of course when we talk to plant we release carbon dioxide that plant needs and is that enough for them to receive an extra CO₂)

   I will try as much as I can to separate the myth against those with relatively sound research. Like for instance, where my curiosity begun with the subject when I read somewhere a Native American myth that states: warrior before and after going to war would spread their naked body on a certain tree to absorb its energy and healing properties or divine powers. 

   The idea of talking to plants was introduced in 1848, when Dr. Gustav Theodor Fechner, a German professor, suggested the idea in his book Nanna (Soul-life of Plants). He believed that plants were capable of emotions, just like humans, and you could promote healthy growth by showering your plants with attention and talk.
   In his book Training of the Human Plant, Luther Burbank, a renowned botanist and inventor of the Burbank potato (better known as the Idaho potato), wrote that plants may not understand the spoken word, but they were capable of telepathically understanding the meaning of speech.

   

   An expert in the polygraph and biocommunication, Cleve Backster related details of his research into electrical responses in plant life. His studies indicate that plants can sense human intent in a kind of "primary perception" that he compared to ESP. For instance, in experiments with bean sprouts --one group of sprouts was praised, the second group ignored, and the third sent negative thoughts-- the praised group grew much faster, he reported.

    Source: The Borderlands of Science

   Dr. Lee Warren from his website Connectedness discusses the following observations...

   For thousand of years sages, adepts and poets from all cultures have understood that the entire universe is a whole and living unity, which means that all things are connected. Nothing is separate as it appears to human perception, but everything is interlinked.   Various experiments have been conducted to verify as fact a connection between organic and inorganic matter and man, such as the ‘Bell Theorem’ and the ‘Backster Effect,’ communication between plants and humans... Now Paracelus, the Father of medicine, and Mesmer, the father of hypnotism, foretold that all living things (man, plants, earth, planets, and stars) are interconnected; what affects one affects them all.

   Houston Smith in his book The World’s Religions states that science has been very doubtful of the unseen realm, “but with Eddington’s [Sir Arthur Stanley Edding-ton was an English astrophysicist 1882-1944] observation that the world is more like a mind than a machine, and astrophysicists’ reports that 90 percent of the ‘matter’ in the universe is invisible in the sense that it impacts none of their instruments, scientific skepticism has begun to subside (p. 319).” Modern science may have found God whether they want to admit it or not.

    Swami Brahmanda said: “Show where matter ends and spirit begins. Only our own private delusion creates separate habitations for God And man (Vedanta, from the Introductory Chapter, ©1971 Harper & Row, Pub.)."

   Last week I photographed a Sampaguita plant, it's the Philippine's National flower; it stood there right in front from where I usually do my paintings...now if he/she is trying to say something to me every time I paint what would that be? Should I be more sensitive to hear them speak? Any special skill to hone so I can go down to the cellular level like King Solomon who can communicate to both plants and animals?  

   Sampaguita is a Spanish term, which comes from the Filippino words sumpa kita meaning 'I promise you'. Like every flower signifies its own flower meaning, Sampaguita is a symbol of purity, devotion, dedication, fidelity and strength. 

Continuous Illumination

I wonder how would MingMing survive, he doesn't drink dirty water and is very meticulous with what he eats. We had left him from the house move...Elijah tried to carry him here in our new place but my son said he was being scratched as it tries to escape. He will be missed.

Yagit a.k.a. MingMing

   As I said did the laundry today, cooked Spam luncheon meat, heated the left-over soup, and created some blogs for ArtLover Group: some ballpen arts of Babis Kiliaris and sharing the blogs of photographer JP Brandano. Posted my pictures with Elyona Jean... 
   I truly need to be with myself...things are not clear and blurry. This is something an artwork can not do. I have to see...more of myself and the real world that engulfs me. Are we loosing the people here? Time move so fast...with such urgency that I barely knew where I stand now. 

Maybe my son is on adjustment period and another migration

is confusing him. New friends to meet and missing old buddies

he had already made. 

Oh...this blog had been hanging for publication for about 4 days now...I feel there is more I should be writing. There's No new image either on After Image 8.2 and yet all I could do are explore my sketches...(see After Image 8.2, drawing within)

   The visit of my mother is a welcoming bliss, she didn't make it during my natal day and I truly miss her. She's so hard working and used to being independent that is why instead of staying with us she opted to live in her friends houses and being a strike anywhere-person who can do dressmaking and almost any chores from electricity to cooking. She doesn't want to stay idle and want her own income...which are more often given to my family. She should be crown as a hero for that. I want her to stay here with us...but it's in her blood to roam and never retire...it would drain her quick if she stop working. She is always looking for work. By the way MingMing is my mother's pet and was asking for him when she came...like his master, the cat needs the wild and choose to be a stray-cat for good. 

Painting must always be easy and enjoyable…free flowing and never stiff…once that important detail is entail then it is not an artwork anymore. A gift must always come as a blessing even from the giver.

   

ILLUMINATION 030

I would avail for another illumination today. I feel so lost, empty and it all seems I have not achieved any. For the past day I was pushing my brain to paint...to create something. All I can do is hold the brush or open some pages of my visual manuscripts. Nothing came but silence. There are no worth for the moment...they are just passing scenes. 

1 Corinthians 1:18-31

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)
Christ Is God's Power and Wisdom
 ¹⁸ The message of the cross seems foolish to those who are lost and dying. But it is God's power to us who are being saved. ¹⁹ It is written,    "I will destroy the wisdom of those who are wise.       I will do away with the cleverness of those who think they are so smart." —(Isaiah 29:14)

   Trying my best also to sit down...talk to God and just be with Him...but other things robbed me. I just cant focus on anything. I was planning some diversion like have a quality time washing clothes. Now I have left them wet and maybe stinking. That I should pursue as urgent matters. I also try to cook sopas and sell them. My wife did the cooking...at 4AM...it's a little late for breakfast when it's done...pass 7AM so people had already gone to work and children ready for school and full. I had some art projects....
   Returning to sleep around 8AM and there I have a vivid dream; so clear that each images and scenes still taunt me. Will I have these illuminations?
   Now when will I lay down and have my intimate moment with God? So I can hear His voice...I have to stay still and worry not on trivial things. Actually there are No trivial things that must bother me. The accuser which is Satan trying to deceived me that I am a loser...I am Not...I am extra special in God's sight. 

     Chance is the pseudonym God uses when 

     he doesn't want to sign His name. -- Anatole France.

   This and all these are my little argument with myself. Time is so precious that I have the tendency to let it happen. Just a passing scene. What I would be painting this time? I took some images from my browsing and soon will have the time to begin. I must and should begin. Wait! I still have clothes to wash...If it is affecting you then it is you. 

   Subscribing to an BibleGateway.com for newsletter that will cure me perhaps. And by the way, what happen to my free magazines at GNmagazines? They just stop sending.

   Life is a process. A process for what? That I will seek...I think I have found it somewhere back in time. The answer to my many question is just in The Holy Bible.

   (If you had gone this far reading this blog...and get confused to the pointless argument I am writing here...just never mind all blogs with Illumination label. This is for my own personal reflection...almost similar to my Visual Journal)

   Since no one is reading my blog...I think I better read it myself. Perhaps I will learn also the wisdom of a fool.

ILLUMINATION 029

How can you give something you do not have?
   There are so many things you've wished to have happened. Now what had you got to prove to others, No...even something to be proud of...for your self. The psychological argument would just be endless...futile for you would not vow down to them. You are too great to be step upon. Just leave me space to hold my head up high. Life is a struggle for you...and everything just slip away just like dust washed by the sudden rain. And when rain comes you have no shelter....what if the crow carrying your supply dies? 
   Never rely on human powers...on promises that are meant to be broken...or anything can just crumble to the ground and leave no traces. Life is vanity. Meaningless. Meaningless.

"This is what Jehovah of armies, the God of Israel, has said: 'Let not your prophets who are in among you and your practicers of divination deceive you, and do not you listen to their dreams that they are dreaming. For "it is in falsehood that they are prophesying to you in my name . . . ," is the utterance of Jehovah.'"—Jeremiah 29:8, 9.

   Years have passed with echo lingers to wasted youth. It's your reflection now and only between yourself. Nothing happens. Images are strangled in memories of what life have been, The chosen path of the dreamer...and you remain to the same forces that bind you. The abundant past where you have succumb to the pleasure of the moment. And the moments gone. 

   Now the silence to reflect once again to just simply admit your mistakes...plenty of them which you have tried to cover in pleasantries and psalms...of faith...of broken beliefs. The faith that you are among the chosen.       

   I have to step down from the pedestal that I have crafted for my self and accept the fault and shortcomings that not all faith is enough. Exert an energy that will equal the resources you desires.
   

Four Decade and Four

This day weather is what we call "Rich man rain"....gloomy skies with little down pour and most likely to stay for the whole day....just enough for you to reach your destination and return home or the perfect moment to snuggle close together and have a cup of hot coffee.

   Perhaps I could spend this day for a reflective mood since HEY it's my birthday. 

taken by Elyona while
cleaning the fish tank

   First, I open Facebook and instantly had a big hearty smile...two of my creative Partners greeted me Andrea and Melissa . I'll cook Pancit for myself...no cakes, no ice cream, nor Beer....I am having stomach discomfort so I am not in my best. 
   July 10, 1967 at around 10 in the evening the artist was born. I was told that I have to be baptized urgent because I was already turning violet, blue, or black...whatever....they thought I was going die and so on the 8th day I have my Christening. Making sense of the matter if I may speak, that was following the Biblical that a child should be presented to God on the 8th day especially the eldest male of a mother...like Jesus. Whew, I have to make the that story. Am I really special?

from Melissa Tandoc

   Having my trouble connecting with my internet sites and Facebook is not giving me all the services. I sigh but is enjoying reading greetings and saying thank you and clicking Likes. I receive some really wonderful post that, oh yes honestly touch my heart. My art partner Melissa make a Photo art...and Sancheeta Biswas makes an impromptu poem for me....
let your creativity roll against time,
let your age measure your fertilized
mind, art is young at every stroke how old,
energy of colors always at a flow,
candles burn with pride, glow,
a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FHER, MY FRIEND,enjoy life as you grow.


   A wonderful day for me and I just relax in bed at most of the day and opted to make it simple and quite...on my head I was thinking of a personal devotion...quietly talk to God. God is telling me something....
   Sunday and I was supposed to be in a worship service but I have this discomfort that I can't ignore...I have occasional strokes of dizziness, my legs tendon easily get tired only after about a few minutes of standing...then now an irregular activity on my belly which is not constipation but just a heavy feeling. I need to pray...never claim anything bad...I will not allow this deception to happen. 
   My birthday wish? Do I get that options? Okey that would be "Kapayapaan" as my amiga Andrea Lisi said.

ILLUMINATION 028

In life it is more likely that you'll remember the extreme...you will easily recall the names of the very good and the very bad guys.

   I remember this scene quite vague...a delayed flight for Cagayan de Oro City, I'm the only one to supervised the 83 participants regarding Health Workers, and the speaker with me is Dr. Guia Abad. 

  "...I have to deal with the receipt, registration, manuals...money, big money which I must keep without any discrepancy...I have to tally.   I know God is with me at that time. I was able to finish my job, not so well but its great for a one-man army. I face all the doctors, nurses, and helpers squarely.   On that night I fell asleep LIKE  never before (10Pm) and the world seems to die with me..." (Testament of Fisher 10, 1995, pp. 174)

   Travelling around the whole archipelago is something that I miss. I even remember having made the airport almost my home hopping from one city to another. The only region I haven't been into is the Bicol Region.

   "Since entirely my life is dedicated or devoted to art, I should be enhancing and polishing it to perfection and mastery. Go ahead into a straight line. Refine my style into a better goal. Primarily I must be able to create pix which speaks. My subject must be clear. I am not simplifying things -- I am creating common objects into general symbols. In this way I am elating or promoting that the usual thing we saw has deeper meaning. I want simple object to have soul. I want to awaken my audience that we cannot just ignore all the things we see; whether be it big or small like my old principle: THAT THERE ARE NO SUCH THING AS WORTHLESS. I want people to look around and open their eyes. Be more discerning But behind it all...I paint what I have to say, what is on my mind, what I feel, what God want me to say....it is reality within reality." (The Fisher 6, 1991, pp. 18)

   Above you can already see how I am forming the early concept of the Art of Realizationism. Reading further to what I am reading are titles of my very own paintings I can not recall anymore. Then below is something I've written  a year earlier while I work as a photographer in our family own Ferons Studio:

   "My painting now are timeless, it was slowly changing, there's an evolution that is rather noticeable. My pix has now minimized writings ..." I also had written an observation that the scene are depicting broad daylight and the common usage of eyes as subject. 

   

   

The Testament of Fisher

The box with my diaries and other memorabilia

   Like for the very first time I am meeting a stranger...returning to a not so distant past but it feels like a surreal world that I have no knowledge of its existence. I am amazing myself with what I am learning from my own self....as I have told you in Illumination 027 after rediscovering my old diaries stow somewhere from our previous house...and that for the past nights I'm trying to read some chapters to bring me back  to places, images, and people that barely make an imprint in me...some memories are better left forgotten. How I have hurt other people heart and played on love. There are also situations and personalities that still lingers  in present time.

   One thing more is how I became so idealistic and fought for my beliefs, and stand on them as the truth...my worldviews. Then, as I had made some quick assessment of what I have read so far, I doubt if I still hold the same zeal. I'm still here but some dreams are NOT. Like these series of journals that I am trying to unravel seems to echo only portions of myself...we evolve. I'm not quite sure if I became what I was supposed to be or what I have envisioned of me; Anyway, as I step a little further, I have no big regrets...I became the man I am now because of these images that I have painted. 

Its not how many love you make 

but how many love you keep

   Doing the fourth leaves on After Image 8.2 last night only....the plan here is to write a little bio about the author/artist....need to sacrifice some of my earlier works for this page...and found some that I saw no need to retain. A little breather first to look for materials plus an idea to outline in short paragraph of who Fher Ymas so far... 

   There's difficulty in getting signal for my broadband so I experimented on cable wire attached on Smartbro USB...extend the other end outside from the window to the veranda. There is some improvement as I can now blog...

   And something that I always wanted to have as Elyona Jean requested, we now have 2 duckling as pet. The kid still haven't baptize them for names...I always like duck more than chicken, they are easier to manage and much tougher. 

   By the way The Testament of Fisher were the title of the series  of journals I started writing circa 1985 up to 2007 or so...I'm not quite sure when did I stop putting journal entries...Fisher? Well it was just adding is on FHER....FisHER. Those things that I wish to remember are kept now into my visual manuscript as either memorabilia type, visual recollections, or references. Now with the advent of computer and internet I turn them all in the hands of cyber-spaces. 

ILLUMINATION 027

My new work area

Rediscovering my old diaries was a welcome surprise and the timing was as if designed for my upcoming natal day. There was mixed emotions when I open the box...I should thank my wife for keeping them safe and thought time and my carelessness have already claimed these writings...lots of them, and I still haven't make my count. As far as I can remember, I had 14 books which I titled Testament Of Fisher: An Autobiography...that I think started during my college days. 

   So typhoon Ondoy had not taken these collections at all, plus some pocket books and letters...I still have to peek in some more only when I have the opportunity. This moving in a new house would need more time re-furnishing the space...a lot more bigger space.

   I will let you have glimpses of what I had written during those early years...mostly the formative years of my artistry and most especially my love life. Once I had browse and found interesting scene to share and perhaps be able to reflect also on my own status. I had read some and found my self smiling alone to some of my misadventure...mostly are bitter-sweet memories and how faithful I am. There are also some very simple wishes that during those days was a matter of life and death. I can laugh at them now. God had been with me in all those years...

   Cindy C., is my latest artworks , done in pen and watercolor....I am very glad to capture a strong sense of expressions on this piece. It is very different in all the painting I made, its quality reveals all the detail and shadows, shaded with over-seen brushstrokes but realistic in appeal....I still have to put some lettering on it but the painting or coloring was finished last Sept. 1988. (The Fisher 2, 1988, pp. 27)

   I can't recall that work anymore...but I think I had it copied from a men's magazine with a starlet by the name of Cindy C. Oh just wait a minute, I think its a portrait of Cindy Crawford with my "tear-out" style writing on my paintings.


   When I went to worship today the main Prayer intent was for the mural to be pursued...this time the owner wanted landscape to cover the wall of their foyer and garage area. The owner first idea were cartoon and anime character, but when I return today he is opting for scenery just like what he saw somewhere in the Middle East where he had been. 
   Network connection is harder on this area and in fact, it has been consuming lots of time during my session which eats my desire to log some comments. I had so many ideas pulsating around my neurons that I can't do because of this computing hindrances....
   Humbleness and Humility. Would be publishing now this very blog and shall continue next time.

  

Poe-a-Tree Blog Event

   I was a bit curious when I open Mari Sterling Wilbur's blog Poe a-tree Blog Event (link: Photography Tips)...it was the word POE actually that struck me. Here in the Philippines when you hear Poe, He is our Movie's Action King Fernando Poe, Jr. and from where I get my name according to my mom. Anyways, I was also thinking of Edgar Allan Poe. As I read the blog, I've learned it was about a blog event sponsored by Roy Durham.  Okey I'll just copy paste what was written by Mari, as follows 

   "Here's the idea behind the Poe-a-tree Blog: Each blogger will post a verse to the poem topic and the links to the other participating blogs. Sounds like fun.

   Per Roy, the theme of the poem is: “I am standing on a beach looking out to the horizon, what are my thoughts”. “What do I see, what do I feel, what is calling to me.” These are the questions to ask yourself and then write a verse. As many lines as you feel like."

   

   I'm in the middle of a project and contemplating on designs to put in a Mural...yet the invitation was so tempting that I thought I'll give it a spontaneous try. I wish I'm not busy so I can add my own art work as well...on second thought I have this strange feeling that I myself was on a horizon. Staring on a bleak...uncertain future. So here goes...

The Distant Horizon

Swirling but gentle tides kissing my toes,

my vision fixated in a not so distant horizons.

and then I was ask by my senses, it goes,

and urgent thought begging decisions.

I wept for a future that is yet to be seen

Once that I wonder why chilled at this breeze?

The Past and the future caught us between,

I thought I would traverse life in gentle ease.

Then as the tide grew even more harsher;

and the horizon threaten to grow even darker.

I started to succumb from thoughts that was once there.

Yet the cloud stirred and a silver lining shine through yonder.

"Fear not my son" I heard, "I have led you this far to doubt my ways...

I have made you a mansion, so count your days.

Have you seen that horizon, how distant so it seems,

I shall be with thee even as far as you see, I can redeem."

So I open my arms across the horizon...and let the shuddering wind hug me...

I have already seen God my father waiting there for me. 

Here are the links of participating Poe-a-Tree Blog Events:

Clara Garza http://jewelryboxdelights.blogspot.com/
Sue Larson http://suelarson.blogspot.com/
Melissa Tandoc http://www.grazieadio.blogspot.com/
Mari Sterling Wilbur http://www.mariscamera.blogspot.com/
Jan Neel http://jovanecatharticmusings.blogspot.com/
Megan Johnson http://starrlilly.blogspot.com/
Sulekkha Rawat http://sulekkha.blogspot.com/
Roy Durham http://royd-spiltmilk.blogspot.com/